Monday, January 7, 2013

Heartbroken

Jacob has had a very difficult few months with back to back infections. The kids kept passing the cold back and forth to each other, landing us in the pediatricians office at about every other week since October. Last week, after four days off antibiotics, sure enough, Jake started another cold. Four days had passed and at some point we knew it would get worse, as in requiring antibiotics for some bacterial infection, not just the common cold. Saturday night, while packing for our upcoming family vacation, Jake complained about some pain underneath his jaw alongside his neck. I felt the area and it was swollen. I checked the other side and it was swollen too. I then grabbed Taylor to compare and he was fine. I frantically ran over to Jeremiah with Jake in my hands and told him what was going on. Jake could sense me panicking and began to cry and fell asleep. We called the nurse and with his vomiting and not eating well, plus the swollen areas, she sent us to the ER.

We get there and checking in was a breeze..probably the best registration we've evr experienced with an emergency room. To cut the long story short, the doctor examined Jake and found several more lymph nodes (the swelling) in other parts of his body, the armpits and groin. She did her best not to scare us, but come on...you are dealing with a NiCU mom here and I cried and cried and cried bc I knew it was something serious. She ordered several blood tests and an X-ray. Watching jake get an IV put in and him throwing up and screaming just broke my heart. I was reliving a nightmare all over again. (Before the blood collection, Jeremiah gave Jacob a blessing and we felt comforted instantly in that very second.) Three hours had passed, and we finally got the results...they all came back normal. What a relief! Then, the doctor said the word cancer and I could feel my temperature decrease and my eyes began to well up. Though the blood test checked for preliminary signs of cancer, she felt it would be wise to check with an oncologists for more tests. My heart dropped again as I held on to my poor boys sweet hands. I could not believe it. She comfortably sent us home...and since then, my mind has been running at a million miles per second. I continue to cry and worry about the possibilities. My life, had yet turned upside down again in a matter of seconds.

Jeremiah and my father gave Jacob a priesthood blessing last night and both had felt very strongly that Jacob would be fine. I was given a blessing too. I had been praying  and pleading with Heavenly Father to help our littl family, especially my precious Jacob.

Today, I called the oncologists and was greeted with, "Welcome to the cancer and hematology center at..." I could barely contain myself and spoke as clearly as I could with the receptionist. Never did I have to think I'd call a place like this in my life. My heart is completely broken and I am so hurt...I don't want to see my son go through any pain...I don't think I can bare it. ...so please keep him in your prayers and hope that this is nothing more than an infection that his body had a hard time fighting off...out appointment is tomorrow so until then, we will keep everyone updated.

1 comment:

Sokimna said...

Pa, it is so difficult to see Jake go through this. It took me back to when Erin was in the ER and had to get an IV for Kawasaki's. We love you and Rico and I also feel that the Lord will bless him to be strong and the doctors will know what to do and how to treat him. We love you guys and have and will continue to pray for him.